I always wanted to be a mom and I couldn’t wait to tell people when it finally happened. My body hates me, so I have some medical issues that I thought would get in the way of me getting pregnant, but it happened. I started feeling bloated and my basal body temperature was up for almost a week so I knew something was up. We found out at 7 weeks and all I could do, was cry. I was scared, happy, and shocked. We told people immediately, which is not how I wanted to do it, but such good news like that couldn’t wait. We had some support, but some people, like my sister, told me she didn’t want to talk to me and wouldn’t support me and basically told me to get an abortion because she didn’t approve of my relationship.Other family members and some friends were there for us, but ultimately, we only needed each other. Major migraines started happening and I pushed through it as well as some bleeding. I went to my OB and he said that I should be fine and everything looks good. I started bleeding more, but had symptoms and my belly was staying bloated so I figured things were okay. I had an ultrasound done because I was worried and they didn’t see anything, however, my OB said that was normal and the baby could be hard to see right now. 9 weeks rolled around and I still was bleeding along with some cramps. They told me to go to the hospital, but I waited two more days because my boyfriend said we should wait and I went along with that. I suddenly felt that I wasn’t pregnant anymore.. Hard to explain the feeling.. I looked a little pregnant, but the feeling inside was empty. We got to the hospital and I knew I had to get a D&C since it wasn’t safe. They gave me the option to wait, but they did an unltrasound again and found the sac with no baby in it. I started being in horrible pain and they made me wait 2 hours before being put into a room. That hospital was horrible to being with, but I hated every second of the experience. I had to walk outside to where my boyfriend was waiting and tell him that the only option was to get the D&C done…I just remember him holding me outside of the hospital while I cried and cried. I finally went into labor and delivery and got my own room until I was ready for the procedure. I started having intense labor pains, that turned into a ton of bleeding and sitting on the toilet wanting to just die because I felt beyond shitty. I suffered for an hour until they came to get me. I threw up in front of the nurse because I couldn’t hold it in from all the pain, which I felt bad about because I didn’t want them to have to pick up my vomit, but after that, I was put on the bed and moved to prep. I waited another hour in a half, and that was the worst part because I was in non stop pain and couldn’t get any medication. I remember just being so upset asking the nurse for anything over and over, and they told me it’s like I’m in labor and there’s nothing they can do until my OB comes. My Blood pressure was so high and I just held on so tight to the side of bed wanting it to end. Crazy part is, before my OB came in, I felt the need to push, so I did, and after that, the pain kind of settled. I was so cold at that point and wanted to just leave. They did the procedure and I went back to my room to recover for another hour. I remember crying again, but my boyfriend held my hand and said it would be okay so I appreciated that and again, went with it.
We both dealt with the miscarriage differently, but we got through it. I learned that, it’s okay to cry and feel the pain of it. It was not my fault and when the time is right, I’ll be able to have my baby. As time went on, I got stronger and became thankful to know that I can have a baby despite the issues I have with my body. I still and will always wonder about my little one, but I know everything happens for a reason and I look forward to the future and whats in store for me and my future family.