A letter to my Mimi from her baby

Dear Grandma, ( I know you hate being called that)

I’m sorry you have a daughter that controls everything and lies for a living to get what she wants. I’m sorry your so called ”conservator”, won’t tell you the truth about your son and how he is doing. I’m sorry your other granddaughter keeps you all to herself and acts like she’s number one all because she suddenly took an interest in you once she had kids. What you don’t know is, your daughter and your conservator won’t let me see you or talk to you without permission because they are afraid I’ll tell you about your son and how he’s doing. You and I were so close and for a while there, it was only me seeing you almost every day. Before I would go to the bar, I would stop by and hangout with you and every time you would tell me to be careful and I’d give you a hug and kiss and say, I’ll be back. I would bring you your favorite vanilla shake and we would share fries and talk about everything. You would get so happy to see me and always asked where I was. I would always document our visits with our fun pictures because you always thought you didn’t look good and I wanted to prove you wrong. You are beautiful. The sad part is, you probably are getting told, that I no longer want to see you or some made up bullshit like always. What’s also sad is how your other granddaughter won’t stand up for what’s right because she’s nothing but selfish. Selfish for, letting you worry about your son with no real answers and letting you worry about me and letting you think the worst. I could fight it and just go over to see you or even call you again, like I tried to do, but I know I’ll get turned away and I can’t afford a lawyer. How sad that it would come to that. Your daughter, granddaughter, conservator and caregiver, have no idea what it feels like to be erased. They don’t care though because they have you. I can at least say, that I was the first and only one, to take you to visit Grandpa for the first time after he passed and I’ll always have that memory to make me smile. I can only imagine how my dad feels. That pain is unreal. I hope you know how much he adores and loves you. I adore and love you too and always will. I remember asking you what tattoo you would want me to get in honor of you 935513_900403076641424_36786990_n

and you of course objected to that idea, but I said I’m doing it anyway and you said to get pansies. Which are your favorite flower, so that’s exactly what I got. Every tattoo I have, has a meaning and when I look at my arm, I will think of you and how you supported, loved and cared for me. I feel like I’m writing to you as if you passed away, but in a way, that’s how it feels. People are cruel and I hope those who have taken you away, someday realize, their actions were beyond wrong and uncalled for. I’m thankful I have videos of you telling me you love me because I’ll never get to hear your voice again. Believe me, you’re worth the fight, but to fight those people isn’t worth it. My favorite picture of you and I, is me laying on your lap during a fishing trip and I remember feeling completely content. You made me eat everything off my plate and I couldn’t leave the table until I did and you made me say grace even if I didn’t want to and most of all, loved me no matter what.  I remember waking up  one day at your house and you were just leaning over me to see what I was doing that day, which makes me laugh thinking about it..Felt like a movie moment. I hope you know that, your baby grandchild loves you, your son and my mom love you so much and someday, we’ll all be together again without all the bullshit and mean people around. You’re one of a kind, my Mimi. ❤

 

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