Picking up and leaving comes with a lot of uncertainty, but the issues back home, don’t matter as much anymore. That’s a ”blessing.” For me, it made me realize that, my issues with my sister who tried to discredit my rape experience and tried making me live a life she wanted me to live all while I kept her secrets and was there as much as I could be, hurts less and less, especially being away from her. As odd as it sounds, it’s almost like I never even knew her.. Guess you could say, that’s sad, but enough is enough. I didn’t have to scream or say no because that’s scary shit, future advice sis, look up rape and read all about it before you say what I went through wasn’t that. Again though, being away from people like that makes life feel good again.. Other family issues are there and all other bullshit still lingers, but a little less each day. In the 25 years I’ve been living, I finally feel like I’m right where I’m supposed to be. Not saying it’s not hard, but I’ve always been a pusher and determined to make anything happen, so for me, I know everything is going to be okay. Back home, it felt like weight kept being put on me and nothing got better no matter what I did.. After losing my Elvis, I knew something drastic had to happen. Seemed like everyone else kept living and I wanted to be able to feel what (just living) felt like without the constant stress and memories I no longer wanted to remember. The really hurtful memories are tougher to shake off, but it does get easier to talk about and feel very little for that memory or person. I’ve done what a lot of people I know wanted to do and that makes me feel good. This blog is mainly for me to look back on, but if my words can help someone else, I’m glad I decided to share my life. Not a quiet person, I speak up and I have no problem sharing or talking about anything with whomever as long as you’re genuine and nice. #beniceorgetout
To be continued….